How to talk to your partner about freezing your eggsJune 08, 2023
Deciding to freeze your eggs is an incredibly personal choice. (We would know—the Ovasave team has a lot of experience with egg freezing!). Part of the issue is ongoing stigma about women’s health issues—our bodies are, for some reason, taboo. (Let’s help change that, shall we?)
Another issue is lack of understanding. Many people—women and men—have no idea about women’s fertility. Why? Because no one talks about it. Not our teachers, not our parents, and not our doctors. Young women are told time and again how not to get pregnant—but there is so much more they deserve to know.
If you’re reading this, we’re guessing you agree. You’ve learned about egg freezing, and you’re considering it for yourself. What happens if you have a partner, and you’re not sure they’ll be on board? It can be an anxiety-inducing conversation.
Having done this a few times, we have some advice. We hope it helps.
- Consider whether you’re planning to start a family with your partner.
It’s a delicate topic: Are you with “the one”? Are you unsure? Is it too early to talk about children? These questions will help you decide how to frame the conversation.
If you think you’re with “the one,” and he agrees, then you can position egg freezing as a way to give you both the option of having children someday, when and if you’re ready—no rush, of course.
If you’re not with “the one,” or you’re not sure, but you still want to include them in the decision, you can position the conversation as something you need to do for yourself—it’s your body, and your choice. When you decide you’re ready to have kids with your partner, whoever that is, you’ll have the assurance that your chances of a successful pregnancy are good because you have lovely, young, frozen eggs to work with.
- Share your reasons for wanting to freeze your eggs.
Your reasons for wanting to freeze your eggs are uniquely yours. Maybe you want to travel or reach a certain stage of your career. Or perhaps you want to buy a house, start a business, or pay a debt.
Maybe you’re not sure you want children, but you want to keep your options open, or you’re facing a medical issue such as low ovarian reserve, cancer, or endometriosis that may impact your ability to get pregnant in the future.
Tell your partner that you would like to freeze your eggs and share your reasons. You can be confident as you do this, because all of the reasons we’ve mentioned—and a bunch we haven’t—are equally valid. It’s your life, and your decision to make. You’re giving yourself a beautiful gift.
- Explain how the process works.
Like we said above, you’d be amazed at how many people have no idea how the female body works, or how babies are really made. Explaining some of the biology behind egg freezing may go a long way to helping your partner understand why egg freezing is important to you. You might talk about how and why your fertility declines as you age, the fact that your ovarian reserve may be running lower than you expected, and the importance of egg quality in conception, for example.
If you’re planning to start a family together someday, this conversation may be even more beneficial. The future father of your children should understand your fertility and why time may be of the essence, right?
- Discuss paying for the procedure (if you wish)
This step is optional and depends entirely on you. If you and your partner don’t share or discuss finances, then you can skip this step. If you do share finances, then consider sharing how you’re planning to pay for egg freezing—whether savings, a loan, a gift from family, or a payment plan. Understanding how you’re going to make egg freezing financially possible may help your partner come around if they are unsure. You might also consider explaining that investing in egg freezing now may help you avoid paying for multiple expensive rounds of IVF when you’re older–IVF is far more likely to work with your younger frozen eggs than with older fresh eggs.
- Ask for support
Your partner won’t automatically know how to support you through the egg freezing process. It will be uncharted territory for you both. Being honest and sharing specific ways your partner can support you will help ensure you get exactly what you need. It will also make the journey far easier for your partner—he’ll know exactly what he needs to do and when without having to worry that he’ll miss something or hurt your feelings. Do you want him to go with you to your appointments? Hold your hand while you give yourself injections? Be extra-patient as you deal with side effects? Stay in the waiting room during the procedure and drive you home? Buy you a milkshake afterward? Let him know. We suspect he’ll be happy to help.
- Celebrate afterward
Don’t skip this step. Many women say they feel relieved after they freeze their eggs—because the pressure is off, and they have a backup plan for having a family if they can’t conceive naturally when they are ready. We’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating: Egg freezing is a gift—and gifts should be celebrated. Celebrating with your partner could be an opportunity to make your relationship even stronger.